Daddy Musings

PAH!

My dad’s favourite expression. I swear you’ve got to hear it to fully appreciate the oodles of scorn, derision, disgust and cynicism he puts into that one harmless-sounding syllable.

My brother: Dad, I think I suffer from claustrophobia
Dad: Pah!

Me: Dad, er…hmm…I think I’m a failure
Dad: Pah!

Mom: You know, if you ate more slowly, you wouldn’t suffer from heartburn
Dad: Pah!

Incredible, the range of reactions that one word can imply.

Dad’s the world’s worst customer.

Dad (to computer service guy): Madan, you can come home between 3 pm and 6 pm.
Madan: But sir, konjam kashtam…how about 7 o’clock?
Dad: Yennakku vera velai ille? (The vera velai being having dinner in 15 seconds flat and tumbling into bed by 8.30)
And so it goes on for the next 5 days wherein Madan can’t come between 3 and 6 and Dad sends back anyone who comes at 6.01. The day Madan promises to come after 3 pm, dad and mom are absconding.
Dad: “Well, he said after 3.”
Me: “But dad he did come at 5.30!”
Dad: After 3 sollitu, 5.30 kku vanda yenna artham??”
Me: Sigh. (Discreet phone call to Madan: “Madan, PLEASE PLEASE come at 3.15 PLEASE I BEG YOU”)

Oh and don’t miss his conversations with Credit Card saleswomen who call 10 times a day.
Hapless girl: Sir, we’re calling from Citibank and we’d like to offer you a personal loan…
Dad: Ok, I’ll take it
Astounded girl: Really? Er... I mean …
Dad (cutting in): On the condition that I don’t have to pay it back
(Or some equally sad remark)

Or if it’s a particularly bad day
Dad: STOP CALLING ME. STOP BOTHERING ME. YOU KEEP YOUR LOANS!
And BANG!

And of course there’s the (in)famous conversation my husband had with Dad for the first time.

Dad: So, where are you working?
Nervous Hubby: (Three word answer)
Dad (riding on the tail end of hubby’s answer): See, I want to tell you something about my daughter. She’s spoilt.
Me: Daaaaddd!
More Nervous Hubby: Er…really…sir…I don’t think
Dad: (shaking head dismissively) You don’t know anything. In spite of our best efforts she’s spoilt!
Me (thought blurb): Does he want me die an old maid?
And the rest of the conversation went thus:
Dad: Bla bla bla bla bla
Flustered Hubby: But…
Dad: No No no no …bla bla bla
Terribly Confused Hubby: I think….
Dad: What think? Nonsense…bla bla bla
Mute Hubby: (respectful silence)
Sympathetic Mom: Why don’t you let him talk?
Dad: PAH!

The funny thing is we love him for all this. Sometimes in spite of it. Especially the PAH! We love that and find innumerable ways to elicit a good, satisfying Pah.