Wham! Bam!

Couldn't have found a more perfect girl even in Bharat Matrimony. Blonde, svelte, WILLING.
Smokey was one lucky dog. Or so we thought.

Her name was Shirley. And after five long years we finally found a mate for our beloved Smokey-the-leg-humper. We rejoiced. We sang. We danced.

So the day arrived. 4 pm and Smokey is well rested after his meal. The Virgin Bride arrived with her owner and the dog handler - that's the guy who encourages the dogs to er...go at it...in case they miss the point.

Smokey jumps a mile high when he sees Shirley. Pre-performance jitters we thought.
He runs wildly in the other direction. Playing hard to get perhaps.

And then he spends the next hour and a half performing his duty. He's going at it with great enthusiasm. You'd think we'd have been ecstatic. Not even close.

He was doing the dog handler's leg.

Very very happily. "This is what I really dig" he seemed to be saying. He was working up quite a passion let me tell you. For a while there things got really steamy. One-sided of course. Can't have the dog handler responding in similar fashion so Smokey can confirm the delusion that he's human.

The poor guy tries very hard to turn Smokey's amorous attentions on Shirley. 'You don't really expect me to do it with a dog, do you? Smokey asks incredulously.

So while poor rejected Shirley sits there wondering 'Am I too fat? Does my breath not smell bad enough?' Smokey's a very satisfied dog.

'Phew! That was good!' he finally declares. 'Thanks mom! You're the best!' I get a thank you lick and he collapses in exhaustion.

A shame-faced me and the disgusted owner of Shirley part ways. ('He didn't want my lovely baby??')

The dog handler looks defeated. 'I'll let you know if there's any other female madam. Maybe he didn't like this one.' Or maybe he just likes your limb better.

My friend's theory is that Shirley is Anglo-Indian. 'Rukmini nnu nalla Brahmana dogaa pudichi kudu. Aprum paaru!' he advised.

Is my dog a racist?